The Wisdom of Kevin Kickbutt

Whilst surfing the web, I occasionally discover wisdom that can benefit us all. Mostly, I just think about it then pass it onto my students, or I distill it and incorporate it into larger articles elsewhere. However, whilst visiting Mike Pringle's site, I came across a series of lessons delivered in a funny and insightful way. The lessons come from Kevin Kickbutt, Mike's alter ego, and are reprinted here (with Mike's permission)...

Kevin Kickbutt says, of the time before the fight

Kevin Kickbutt relaxing in his Honbu

1. The warrior's path is a long, sometimes rough, and uneven trail; it is full of unforeseen hazards and some really nasty accident-blackspots. To tread its surface may be a struggle, even with size ten Wellington boots.

2. Those who decide to venture down the path will have to conquer many, and various, opponents: some stronger, some faster, some better prepared, some with better weaponry, some with better fashion sense, and many with more experience and knowledge. All warriors must meet such opponents, and pay the price demanded in return for experience. For many warriors, the price will seem too high, for them time on the path will be short.

3. The path of the warrior can be a lonely place, and is not to be started upon lightly. The mud may be soft, but also quite sticky.

4. However, there is also much reward on the path; the overcoming of obstacles will always lead to a better place. Every victory, however small, will make the path a more pleasant place to be, and take the courageous novice ever closer to the understanding of the way of the Grandmaster.

5. As you take your first tentative steps on the path, remember that I, the Grandmaster, incredible though it may seem, was once a novice too!

6. Follow the Grandmaster's path; tread carefully in my footprints. You can learn from the mistakes he has made (although, of course he has only made these mistakes theoretically); benefit from his experience and wisdom. A bad teacher cannot teach a good pupil, but a good pupil can learn from a bad teacher.

7. The farmer may choose between growing crops or rearing cattle; the crops must grow towards the sun and the cow must become fat.

8. When the decision to fight has not been your own, the path may seem dark, and opponents daunting. Your heart may be full of fear, and you may need to wear extra strong underpants, but the journey of the caterpillar may still lead to the butterfly.

9. To those who elect themselves to follow the warrior's direction, obstacles are challenges, and enemies give opportunities to develop, and demonstrate, warrior prowess. The path appears to be one of thrills, excitement and adventure, until you get a bit of a slap!

10. Whichever camp you emerge from, the rules of engagement are the same, and, if heeded, victory will be assured. Eat beans and the wind will follow.

11. Before a single footfall, look to yourself. The warrior who ventures onto the path unready, is no warrior at all. The fight is already over: you are the loser.

12. There are many things to be done before deciding to take up the fight; when faced with what seems to be a raging bull, the wisest plan is to stay on the other side of the fence. Only choose to enter the field when you have good cause.

13. Therefore, before you tread the road of the warrior, understand your own mind, and know all you can about the path, and something of the opponents you may face upon it. Before you begin, pause to contemplate five constants.

14. The first, and most important of these five, is to turn your eyes back to front and look into your own thoughts. You must understand why you wish to enter a new, possibly dangerous, arena: an arena where you may have to face forces that are greater than you.

15. Next, focus: does your foe trample the ground with steaming nostrils and terrifying horns, or does your foe munch grass with milk-filled udders swinging invitingly below?

16. Third, contemplate the ebb and flow of nature. One day the cow's milk may run over the rim of your bucket; other days it may not even cover your breakfast cereal.

17. The fourth of these five constants lies in how the farmer is able to spread muck over the largest field with nothing more than an empty baked-bean can. Before you begin on the warrior's path, consider that the journey, if it is to hold victories and lead to wisdom, will demand much time, courage, exercise and self-discipline.

18. Finally, the warrior must acknowledge that not all wisdom comes from within. Always be aware of the knowledge of others. Bow your head to, and seek to learn from those who tread the path ahead, those who have studied the terrain, reasonable sounding fortune-cookies, and those who would look to protect you from your own foolishness.

19. It is foolish to try and put the harvest in a barn that appears to be full.

20. With vision clear you are now ready to take the first small step forward. Step through the gateway, eat plenty of rice pudding, and ever be mindful where you put your feet.

Kevin Kickbutt says, of clothes and weapons

1. Preparation for the fight begins at dawn.

2. On the day of the fight, dress and arm yourself in preparation. The naked warrior exposes all to his opponent, which can be frightening for both parties.

3. From a barn full of tools, you can take your pick. If the ground is soft and muddy a simple spade may be better.

4. The nervous would-be student who peers into the dojo will see the frightening and strange unfamiliarity of the fighter's clothing and weaponry. Often, the dojo will belong to a false master who continues to train, showing off, and ignoring the potential student's needs. The student may turn away feeling ashamed and ignorant.

5. Beware the tailor: the tailor's business is selling clothes. Beware the armourer: the armourer's business is selling weapons. Neither is in the business to serve you.

6. How can the carpenter build a chicken coop if he has never seen a chicken?

7. The experienced warrior's wardrobe is full of hand-made silk clothing, and weaponry from the finest armourers. The collection is built up over many years, and the warrior can select whatever is necessary to face the impending fight.

8. The novice fighter will need clothes and weapons, but cannot expect, and should not need, finery. What is important is that you are dressed and armed. The peacock looks the more glorious, but the peahen lays the eggs.

9. A borrowed smock may not fit quite as well as your own, but it still keeps the dirt off.

10. The cautious Bonsai tree grower will plant his seeds in a small and delicate pot, but this will be useless for the master grower's seeds.

11. Look around you. Are there everyday tools that could be useful on the path? The common pitchfork becomes a formidable halberd in the hands of the practised warrior.

12. Visit the armourers and experienced warriors, and seek to obtain, at reasonable prices, their old and discarded clothes and weapons. Feel no shame in practising your arts with these, for they were once the very tools that the masters themselves used to hone their skills.

13. When you hear warriors boast of their beautiful outfits, or their ownership of the very latest and most sophisticated weapons, do not fall into envious thoughts; instead examine their skills and consider if you can equal them with the equipment at your disposal. The warrior who can match a better-armed warrior in battle is indeed the greater of the two.

14. Take heart if your opponent carries a weapon that is fresh from the forge, it will not yet have seasoned, nor will its owner have had time to become acquainted with its characteristics.

15. Which would you rather have your plough drawn by: an expert with a team of strong horses, or a fool with a tractor.

16. The master can fight with any weapon, or use any implement as a weapon. However, the sign of a true Grandmaster is the ability to secure victory over an opponent even when there seem to be no weapons at all. The art of the empty hand is the greatest of all the arts.