Respect is earned not demanded

I've often heard or read the phrase, "So and so was the kind of person who demanded respect." As if the person just walked into a room and shouted, "Oy, respect me or else!" Once in a while I see a person, and they strut around as if they expect everyone to drop to their knees in humble supplication. I've seen senseis in other martial arts styles walking around with their chests puffed out, acting as though the students should be honoured to spend time with them. Perhaps the senseis really were that good, but if they knew anything about the spirit of the martial arts, they'd remember that humbleness is an important part of self-development. I'm not talking about putting yourself down, and crawling around on your belly wailing, "I'm not worthy!" What I am talking about is keeping a sense that none of us is superior to anyone else. I've been taught things by 6 year old students, but if I held the attitude that they were "just" a student or "just" a kid, I might never have heard what they had to say.

Of course, in the dojo, we all follow high levels of etiquete, which is essential to ensure that we all keep control whilst practicising a fighting art. So even if you can't demand respect, you can demand courtesy. To paraphrase, "Courtesy is the glue that holds civilised society together". In other words, even when you don't like or respect someone, you can still be polite, and you can expect the same back in return. Courtesy is what you demand in the absence of respect.